


even children get older, and I'm getting older too

by doumekiss (Odd_Ellie)



Category: CLAMP - Works, xxxHoLic
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25288816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/doumekiss
Summary: You are not Clow, you will not make this last forever
Relationships: Doumeki Shizuka & Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka/Watanuki Kimihiro
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	even children get older, and I'm getting older too

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [even children get older, and I'm getting older too](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851897) by [Odd_Ellie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/Odd_Ellie). 



You don't know if his children and grandchildren tried to argue when he informed them of his decision or whether they simply accepted it. Or maybe if they always assumed it was going to be like this.

The decision was that Doumeki would not spend his last days in a hospital bed, or even in the temple surrounded by his family, but in the shop with Watanuki.

You doubted that you would be able to dissuade him, he was always so stubborn, so difficult, but you didn't even try, afraid that this would be the time you would get him to listen to reason. You are a selfish man and you want every moment, every second, even those that rightfully shouldn't belong to you.

If the world were fair, he would spend his last days with the people who loved him and were able to say it out loud, people who loved him and showed it to him every day. And yet he chose you, as he always chose you. Love is not a meritocracy.

Sometimes you get more than you deserve, sometimes not enough. And as paradoxical as this may seem, both of these statements can be true for the same person in the same dynamic.

The morning you know it will be the last he gets up from the bed and starts walking towards the porch, you almost protest saying he should go there, but instead you hold his hand, the skin on his hand shows the decades he lived in the world outside the walls that surround you. They feel how your hand should feel.

"I can still walk Watanuki" he says.

"I know that"

He doesn't say anything, but you can see some amusement in his eyes. But you don’t look too much because you know that if you do something inside you will break.

He's going to die and you're not ready for that.

Losing Yuuko-san transformed you into a different person than you were before, and you think losing him will do the same.

And you're not ready to find out who the person is going to be on the other side.

You sit on the porch, the girls bring tea and then go to play inside the shop, it seems like any other day, like any of the thousands of mornings that preceded. The sun hits his face and he closes his eyes enjoying the heat.

"You know you're still holding my hand, right?" he asks.

"Yes I know"

You close your eyes and you feel the sun against your skin. You also feel his hand, warm and strong. Warm and safe. More than ever you understand why Clow did what he did to Yuuko when it was time for her to go.

You are not Clow, you will not make this last forever, you asked Doumeki before and he said it's not what he wants. But for a moment you pretend it will.


End file.
